About the Book
I heard Ali Abdaal talk about The Second Mountain, and it came at the perfect time for me. I was questioning everything: My career, my relationships, my dreams.
David’s perspectives have definitely helped.
Here are my favourite bits.
Favourite Passages
- “Acedia is the quieting of passion. It is a lack of care. It is living a life that doesn’t arouse your strong passions and therefore instills a sluggishness of the soul, like an oven set on warm. The person living in acedia may have a job and a family, but he is not entirely grabbed by his own life. His heart is over there, but his life is over here.” – THREE The Insecure Overachiever
- “When you have nothing but your identity and job title to rest on, then you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others.” – THREE The Insecure Overachiever
- “The right thing to do when you are in moments of suffering is to stand erect in the suffering. Wait. See what it has to teach you. Understand that your suffering is a task that, if handled correctly, with the help of others, will lead to enlargement, not diminishment.” – FIVE The Wilderness
- “At the moment when you are most confused about what you should do with your life, the smartest bet is to do what millions of men and women have done through history. Pick yourself up and go out alone into the wilderness. // A lot is gained simply by going into a different physical space. You need to taste and touch and feel your way toward a new way of being. And there are huge benefits in leaving the center of things and going off into the margins.” – FIVE The Wilderness
- “The teacher Parker Palmer echoes the theme: ‘As the darkness began to descend on me in my early twenties, I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realise that I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.'” – FIVE The Wilderness
- “Listening to life means asking, What have I done well? What have I done poorly? What do I do when I’m not being paid or rewarded? Were there times when I put on faces that other people wanted me to wear, or that I thought other people wanted me to wear?” – FIVE The Wilderness
- “The ego, says Lee Hardy, wants you to choose a job and a life that you can use as a magic wand to impress others.” – FIVE The Wilderness
- “‘We are like existential sharks: we have to move to live.'” – SIX Heart and Soul
- “The ultimate heart’s desire – the love behind all the other loves – is the desire to lose yourself in something or someone.” – SIX Heart and Soul
- “In the turmoil of their lives, they were compelled to make fierce commitments to one another and merely to survive. They were willing to risk their lives for one another. And these fierce commitments gave their lives a sense of meaning. That’s the paradox of privilege. When we are well-off we chase the temporary pleasures that actually draw us apart. We use our wealth to buy big houses with big yards that separate us and make us lonely.” – SEVEN The Committed Life
- “Truth without love is harshness. Love without truth is sentimentality. But if you can be completely honest with somebody in the context of loving support, then you have a trusting relationship.” – EIGHT The Second Mountain
- “[…] when you are considering quitting your job, apply the 10-10-10 rule. How will this decision feel in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years? That will help you put the short-term emotional pain of any decision in the context of long-term consequences.” – TWELVE Vampire Problems
- “By one calculation, the mind can take in eleven million bits of information a second, of which the conscious mind is aware of forty. The rest is in the Big Shaggy. As Timothy Wilson of the University of Virginia put it, consciousness is like a snowball sitting on an iceberg.” – TWELVE Vampire Problems
- “They have found their vocation. // At that point, a feeling of certainty clicks in. When that happens, you aren’t asking. ‘What should I do with my life?’ Instead, one day you wake up and realise the question has gone away.” – TWELVE Vampire Problems
- “The best advice I’ve heard for people in search of a vocation is to say yes to every opportunity that comes along, because you never what what will lead to what. Have a bias towards action.” – TWELVE Vampire Problems
- “[…] ‘you should ignore 99% of these moments of obligation,’ no matter how guilty it makes you feel. The world is full of problems, but very few are the problems you need to address.” – TWELVE Vampire Problems
- “Just as all writing is really rewriting, all commitment is really recommitment. It’s saying yes to the thing you’ve already said yes to.” – THIRTEEN Mastery
- “A beautiful marriage is not dramatic. It is hard to depict in novel and song because the acts that define it are so small, constant, and particular. Marriage is knowing she likes to get to the airport early. Marriage is taking the time to make the bed, even though you know that if you didn’t do it, she probably would.” – FOURTEEN The Maximum Marriage
- “Your personality is the hidden history of places where love entered your life or was withdrawn from your life.” – FIFTEEN The Stage of Intimacy I
- “When you choose to marry someone, you had better choose someone you’ll enjoy talking with for the rest of your life.” – FIFTEEN The Stages of Intimacy I
- “‘She would rather not be loved than be loved moderately.'” – SIXTEEN The Stages of Intimacy II
- “Have you got the place where you can really do this [marry someone]? // Do I like the person I am when I’m around him? // What’s my core issue, and does this person fill it? // How high is my bar?” – SEVENTEEN The Marriage Decision
- “So how do you discern a person’s permanent personality traits? In 1938, the researcher Lewis Terman argues that you should look at a person’s relational background. He ranked the things to look for:
- 1. Superior happiness of parents
- 2. Childhood happiness
- 3. Lack of conflict with mother
- 4. Home discipline that was firm, not harsh
- 5. Strong attachment to mother
- 6. Strong attachment to father
- 7. Lack of conflict with father
- 8. Parental frankness about matters of sex
- 9. Infrequency and mildness of childhood punishment
- 10. Premarital attitude toward sex that was free from disgust or aversion” – SEVENTEEN The Marriage Decision
- “When it comes to a relationship partner […] Ty Tashiro argues you want to seek agreeableness and avoid neuroticism.” – SEVENTEEN The Marriage Decision
- “Good character will endure through those times when things are going badly. So the essential questions are: Is this person honest? Does she have integrity? // Do I deeply admire this person? // Does this person keep his or her promises? // Does this person have the qualities you would want passed down to your precious kids? // What is at the core of this person, after you take away the education, the skills, the accomplishments, and the brands? // Do I often second-guess his or her judgement? // Does this person ever brag about behaviour he should be ashamed of? // Is this person’s form of selfishness the kind I can live with?” – SEVENTEEN The Marriage Decision
- “Words are the fuel of marriage. ‘Everything else is transitory,’ Nietzsche writes, ‘but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation.'” – EIGHTEEN Marriage: The School You Build Together
- “He visited the asylums and noticed that nobody in them was crying. ‘When you realise that nobody cares, that nobody will answer them, children no longer cry. It takes too much energy. We cry out only when there is hope that someone may hear us.'” – TWENTY-ONE A Most Unexpected Turn of Events
- “The uncommitted person is the unremembered person. A person who does not commit to some loyalty outside the self leaves no deep mark on the world.” – TWENTY-FIVE Conclusion
Star Rating:
4/5
There are so many great lessons in this book – particularly in the first half.
Although it loses its way towards the end, there’s lots of gold inside, and it’s 100% got me thinking about how I can build a more committed life.
I highly recommend it!
Scott's Book Review Blog 