Book Reviews · Self-Improvement

No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Rober A. Glover

no more mr nice guy

About the Book

Despite its age, No More Mr. Nice Guy still packs a punch!

It’s a dating book for men, up there with Models by Mark Manson.

I’m just going to dive straight into my key takeaways!

Favourite Passages:

  • “At times, like most Nice Guys, I’m ‘a slow learner and a quick forgetter.'” Preface

 

  • Nice Guys are dishonest. These men hide their mistakes, avoid conflict, say what they think people want to hear, and repress their feelings. These traits make Nice Guys fundamentally dishonest.” Chapter 1: The Nice Guy Syndrome

 

  • “An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.” Chapter 1: The Nice Guy Syndrome

 

  • “An integrated male posesses many of the following attributes:

He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.

He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.

He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.

He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.

He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.

He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.

He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.

He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.”

– Chapter 1: The Nice Guy Syndrome

 

  • “I often refer to Nice Guys as Teflon Men. They work so hard to be smooth, nothing can stick to them. Unfortunately, this Teflon coating also makes it difficult for people to get close. It is actually a person’s rough edges and human imperfections that give others something to connect with.” Chapter 3: Learn to Please Yourself

 

  • “To help facilitate this recovery process [so that they can please themselves], Nice Guys can:

Identify how they seek approval.

Take good care of themselves.

Give themselves positive affirmations.

Spend extended periods of time alone.

Reveal themselves to safe people.”

Chapter 3: Learn to Please Yourself

 

  • “Any kind of intensity causes Nice Guys to feel out of control. As children, feeling things intensely invited either negative attention or no attention at all. Therefore, it came to feel safer to clamp a lid down tightly on any emotion that might attract too much negative attention or might cause them to feel abandoned.” Chapter 5: Reclaim Your Personal Power

 

  • “As Nice Guys try to avoid the dark side of their masculinity, they also repress many other aspects of their male energy force. As a result, they often lose their sexual assertiveness, competitiveness, creativity, ego, thirst for experience, boisterousness, exhibitionism, and power.” Chapter 6: Reclaim Your Masculinity

 

  • “I consistently tell Nice Guys, ‘The best thing you can do for your relationships with your girlfriend or wife is to have male friends.’ As they get many of their emotional needs met with men, recovering Nice Guys become less dependent, needy, manipulative and resentful in their relationships with women.” Chapter 6: Reclaim Your Masculinity

 

  • “Over time, the members of my No More Mr. Nice Guy groups have come up with a number of traits to consciosusly look for when creating new relationships. These traits include (in no particular order):

Passion

Integrity

Happiness

Intelligence

Sexual assertiveness

Financial responsibility

Commitment to personal growth”

– Chapter 7: Get the Love You Want

 

  • “I don’t have any special talent or skill that the majority of my clients don’t have. What’s the difference?

A conscious decision to face fears.

A conscious decision not to settle for mediocrity.

A conscious decision to make my own rules.”

– Chapter 9: Discover Your Passion and Purpose in Life, Work, and Career

 

  • “Write these rules on note cards and put them where you can see them every day.

If it frightens you, do it.

Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.

Put yourself first.

No matter what happens, you will handle it.

Whatever you do, do it 100%.

If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

You are the only person on this planet, responsible for your needs, wants and happiness.

Ask for what you want.

If what you are doing isn’t working, try something different.

Be clear and direct.

Learn to say “no”.

Don’t make excuses [and don’t gossip].

If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.

Let people help you.

Be honest with yourself.

Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.

Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.

Don’t tolerate the intolerable – ever.

Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.

Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.

Accept the consequences of your actions.

Be good to yourself.

Think “abundance”.

Face difficult decisions and conflict head on.

Don’t do anything in secret.

Do it now.

Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.

Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.

Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.

Control is an illusion. Let go. Let life happen.”

Chapter 9: Discover Your Passion and Purpose in Life, Work, and Career

 

Star Rating:

4/5

I liked this a lot! There are lots of useful reminders about relationships, such as the importance of honesty and vulnerability, and Dr. Glover doesn’t sugar coat things which is refreshing.

There are also some really good ‘rules’ around what it means to be an integrated male, and his advice about seeking out more male friends is golden.

If, like me, you’re a “recovering nice guy”, this book’s well worth checking out.

Highly recommend!

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